Like a predictable Fox television special, “When Bad Movies Attack” is becoming a weekly tradition. While January and February are usually considered dumping grounds for studio by-products, never have I seen such a bountiful crop of crap in my life.

The last two months I have sat through one awful movie after another. It’s as if the release schedules had been programmed by Joe Bob Briggs.

Two more films join the pantheon of bad cinema this week. One, “Spice World,” is a no-brainer. Whoever thought that these bubble-gum flavored bimbos deserved more than fifteen minutes of fame should be locked in a room with Wilson-Phillips for a week.

The other entry, “Senseless,” is a film with an interesting premise that neither the writers nor the director seem intent on fulfilling.

Marlon Wayans, one of the inter-changeable Wayans brothers, stars as down-on-his-luck Darryl Witherspoon, a college student who dreams of winning a competition that will land him a dream job. Witherspoon makes ends meet by taking on number of jobs that allows Wayans to strut and mug. That’s funny for about five minutes.

In order to improve his chances at winning the competition, and to score a little cash, Witherspoon agrees to test a new serum that’s supposed to enhance all five of his senses. It does, but it also comes with a nasty case of rectal itch. Yeah, there’s real humor there.

When he over doses on the serum, Witherspoon is reduced to using four senses at one time, which means the most important sense will be absent during a crucial moment. That’s supposed to lead to some pretty outrageous moments, but most fall flat. An exchange with Patrick Ewing at a basketball game would have been hysterical if it wasn’t so contrived.

Director Penelope Spheeris (“Wayne’s World”) can’t seem to put her finger on the pulse of this film, and goes for the lowest common denominator each and every time. David Spade is totally wasted as Witherspoon’s rival, a sure sign that no one here knows what funny is.

“Spice World” is another story, a project that should never have gotten off the drawing board. If teenage girls find them fresh and exciting, then good for them. I was sick of them halfway through their first music video. If these mix-and-match spice racks really had “Girl Power,” then they could have used it to develop talent.

Director Bob Spiers and writer Kim Fuller ape Richard Lester’s classic “A Hard Day’s Night” with little or no shame, and the results are tedious. The Beatles were honest, real and funny in “A Hard Day’s Night.” The Spice Girls make me want to rub broken glass in my eyes and shove hot pokers in my ears. There’s a difference.

I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. I want Hollywood to quit jumping on the flavor of the week as if they have discovered the new Garbo. This new trend needs to cease immediately.



Marlon Wayans, David Spade, Matthew Lillard, Brad Dourif, Tamara Taylor, Rip Torn in a film directed by Penelope Spheeris. Rated R. 93 Min.


The Spice Girls, Richard E. Grant, Claire Rushbrook, Roger Moore, George Wendt, Meat Loaf in a film directed by Bob Spiers. Rated PG. 93 Min.


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