Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss
Brad Pitt better watch out. There’s a new kid in town, and his name is also Brad. Brad Rowe. Remember it. He’s one of the stars of writer-director Tommy O’Haver’s hilarious romantic comedy, “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss.” He’s what you call dangerously handsome. Oh yeah, and he can act. With his blonde mane, blues eyes, killer smile and dimples only found in perfection, Rowe heats up the screen in “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss.” But then, that’s his job. He plays the romantic interest of Billy (Sean P. Hayes, now stealing scenes on television’s “Will & Grace”), an artist- photographer who uses his Polaroid camera to convey the world as he sees it.
Rowe play Gabriel, a waiter at a small cafe‚ in Los Angeles. 
He’s just moved from San Francisco and his “girlfriend” to find success in Hollywood. He plays the bass, but as Gabriel laments, every guitar player in Hollywood plays bass. Billy confesses to his best friend Georgiana (Meredith Scott-Lynn) that he’s way too gorgeous to be pouring coffee. That leads to an invitation for Gabriel to model for Billy’s latest series, “Hollywood Screen Kiss.” Billy and Gabriel instantly connect, and that’s trouble for Billy.
He has a bad habit for falling for the wrong guys, straight or gay. He’s currently kicking himself for sleeping with a hunky Latino named Fernando (Armando Valdes-Kennedy), who is also seeing someone else. It’s the story of Billy life. Billy tries to convince his friend and benefactor Perry (Richard Ganoung) that his intentions are sincere, but Perry and all of Billy’s friends know better. They’ve seen him dive head first into the shallow waters of love, and don’t want to see him get hurt. Still, Billy pursues Gabriel, and they start hanging out together.
When they attend a gallery show, Billy’s little green jealous monster raises its head when a noted gay photographer (Paul Bartel) invites Gabriel to Catalina to pose for an underwear advertisement. Billy tries to ignore the situation, and later that evening, both he and Gabriel end up drunk at his place. One things leads to another, and before you know it, the two are sharing the bed. What happens after that will require that you see this witty and very human comedy.
Sean P. Hayes is absolutely darling as Billy, a decent twenty-something man who wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s very talented, but needs to share his life in order to be validated. His pursuit of Gabriel is both funny and heartbreaking. You want a fairytale ending, but that’s not in writer-director Tommy O’Haver’s grand scheme. O’Haver uses numerous theatrical flourishes to tell his story, including a lip-synching trio of drag queens as a Greek chorus (very similar to “Stonewall”) and dance around during the opening credits (like “My Best Friends Wedding”).
His style of storytelling is exceptional. Instead of resorting to a standard flashback, he splits the screen, with Billy on one side, and a series of Polaroids on the other. It’s these little touches that make “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss” so unique. O’Haver does resort to dream sequences, but they are vital clues to Billy’s state of mind. “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss” reminded me of an old-fashioned Hollywood film.
It’s sharply lit, with gorgeous close-ups and musical numbers that move the story along. It has two good looking leading men, and great comic foils. It’s refreshing to see so much care given to an independent film that I’m sure none of the major studios would even consider, much less make. “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss” never misses a beat, nor does it try to make a statement. Instead, it just plays it as it lays. Honesty is always the best policy. “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss” isn’t for everyone, but for those looking for a very funny and touching alternative romantic comedy, you couldn’t do much better.
COMPLETE CHECK-UP
VISION: [ X ] 20/20 [ ] Good [ ] Cataracts [ ] Blind
Vibrant eye candy fills every frame, which the digital transfer captures with a clarity that is absolutely breathtaking. There are a minute trace of compressions artifacts, but they’re nothing compared to the electric colors, pitch blacks and flesh tones that just scream healthy skin. The color scheme is especially vivid, and the shocking reds, vibrant blues, shocking yellows and gorgeous greens just leap off the screen. “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss” has been transferred in the film’s original 2.35:1 widescreen ratio.
HEARING: [ X ] Excellent [ ] Minor Hearing Loss [ ] Needs Hearing Aid [ ] Deaf
Lively Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround track is very expressive. Superior dialogue mix stands strong above the tune-filled musical score that literally embraces the room. The basses are fine, but it’s the middle and high ends that get a healthy workout, and deliver the goods without breaking a sweat. Nice stereo separation and fine-tuned ambient noise. There’s a sweetness to “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss,” and the soundtrack seems to respect that. No noticeable audio hiss or distortion. A pleasant, aural experience.
ORAL: [ X ] Excellent [ ] Good [ ] Poor
Closed captions for the hard of hearing, and subtitles in French and Spanish.
COORDINATION: [ ] Excellent [ X ] Good [ ] Clumsy [ ] Weak
The main access and scene access menus are as vibrantly seductive as the film. I especially liked that the scene access menu features each scene as a Polaroid picture. Very clever and sticking to the theme. Director-writer Tommy O’Haver checks in on the alternate audio commentary, and it’s always refreshing to listen to a young film maker who has hit the big time talk about his craft and his struggles. O’Haver is very honest and candid during the commentary, sharing personal moments from his life (he claims that the film is semi-autobiographical) plus insights into making a film on a short budget. Listen as O’Haver explains his decision to shoot certain scenes with a static camera, and then marvel as the outcome plays out in front of you. At one point O’Haver wanted to shoot the film in black and white as a homage to such films as “Love is a Many Splendor Thing,” but that he was talked out of that decision by his director of photography and production designer. Good thing. It’s also interesting to note that one of O’Haver’s favorite films is “Death Race 2000,” thus setting the stage for using the film’s director (Paul Bartel) in “Kiss.” The DVD comes complete with the film’s original theatrical trailer, and if you click on the Trimark logo on the bottom of the Main Menu, you’ll also see trailers of “Slam” and “Chinese Box.”
PROGNOSIS: [ X ] Excellent [ ] Fit [ ] Will Live [ ] Resuscitate [ ] Terminal
“Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss” is a delightfully funny and thoroughly enjoyable romantic romp. It may not appeal to all tastes, but for those looking for a winning comedy with a lot of heart and witty dialogue, you can’t go wrong.
VITALS: $24.95/Rated R/92 Minutes/Color/30 Chapter Stops/Keepcase/#6900D
John Larsen
ATTENDING RESIDENT
ATTENDING RESIDENT: John Larsen
PATIENT: BILLY’S HOLLYWOOD SCREEN KISS
BIRTH DATE: 1998
HMO: Trimark Home Video
