Archive for March, 2004

A Cinderella Story

Take “A Cinderella Story.” No, please, take it. Take it far, far away, to a magical land where filmmakers believe fourteen year old girls are still looking for Prince Charming and Happily Ever After. Innocuous to the point of becoming irritating, “A Cinderella Story” updates the classic fairytale to present day San Fernando Valley, and the only happy ending is when the final credits roll across the screen. Read the rest of this entry »


I love horror movies which refuse to play by the rules. Feast, currently playing Friday and Saturday midnight shows before making its debut on DVD next month, is one such movie. As a byproduct of Project Greenlight, the cable series produced by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck to find and encourage aspiring filmmakers, Feast is one hell of a ride. Read the rest of this entry »

The Sixth Sense

Now I know how Goldilocks felt. Finding a good suspense thriller this summer has been the equivalent of finding a bed that is just right. “The Haunting” was too big and overblown. “The Blair Witch Project” was basically a non-event, despite all of the hype. Read the rest of this entry »

Team America: World Police

If the sight of marionettes having sex offends you, then Team America: World Police has done its job, and what a job. A silly spectacle from the South Park guys rifling on everything from Jerry Bruckheimer films to world politics, Team America effectively turns every cliche and genre on its termite-infested ear. Read the rest of this entry »

Hollywood Ending

Woody Allen has been spoofing Hollywood conventions for so long that it was only a matter of time before he finally turned the camera on himself. Read the rest of this entry »


“Have we got a vacation for you.” That’s the come-on for Delos, an adult amusement park that guarantees you’ll have the time of your life. Guests mingle with lifelike robots in three different theme lands, where they can indulge their every fantasy or whimsy. There’s “Westworld,” a recreation of the old West in the 1880’s; “Medieval World,” where you can live like a Knight; and “Roman World,” where orgy’s and decadence are on the menu. Read the rest of this entry »

Daddy Day Care

“Daddy Day Care,” Eddie Murphy’s latest comedy, reminded me of the catty exchange between Frank-N-Furter and Janet Weiss in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” when the doctor asks the ingĂ©nue what she thinks about his creation, a golden Adonis. “I don’t like a man with too many muscles,” Janet sheepishly admits, to which Frank harshly replies, “I didn’t make him for you!” Read the rest of this entry »

Surf Nazis Must Die

Leave it to the folks at Troma Team Video to deliver a surf film that gives new meaning to the phrase “wipe out.” In true low-budget Troma fashion, “Surf Nazis Must Die” delivers the goods, and the interactive DVD delivers not only the goods, but a lot more. In the near future, the California coastline has been wiped out by a major earthquake. Read the rest of this entry »

Serpent and the Rainbow

There’s a moment in director Wes Craven’s “The Serpent and the Rainbow” that literally hurts to watch. Most men who have seen the film know what scene I’m talking about. Halfway through the film, after having been warned to leave Haiti, Harvard Anthropologist Dennis Alan (Bill Pullman) is brought in by sadistic police chief Peytreaud (Zakes Mokae) for questioning. Read the rest of this entry »

Santa Clause 2

The candle wax inside the Halloween pumpkin isn’t even cold yet and the early signs of Christmas are already encroaching. Thanksgiving turkey roasting pans share shelf space with eggnog mix and fruitcake, while Christmas tree forests have sprung up on empty lots and in front of grocery stores. Read the rest of this entry »