The Mod Squad

Pedestrian, awful attempt at nostalgia that proves you can’t go home again. Not if you’re the popular television show “The Mod Squad.” What was once “Mod” is now just odd, especially in a film that so desperately wants to be hip. There is so much that is wrong with the big screen version of “The Mod Squad” I don’t know where to begin.

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Even though the action takes place in the present, the situations and characters are as old as the actors playing them. The dialogue is stilted, and Ellen Kuras’ cinematography is so flat and uninteresting that everything else suffers. I’m not sure if she was trying to replicate the look of the original series, or if she was working under the orders of director Scott Silver (“Johns”).

Either way, the results are just dreadful. She manages to make a sunset at Malibu Beach look flat. The screenplay feels like it is trapped in a time warp. All of this might be funny if Silver had shot the film as a tongue-in-cheek homage to the original. Instead, he takes all of this way too seriously, and in return, delivers a film that lacks any fun. Silver’s film broods as much as the three stars, who act as if they’re being forced to utter every line. The film starts off promisingly enough, with hip credits that introduce the characters in quick fashion.

At first I thought, wow, this is going to be a lot of fun. Then the credits end and the film immediately loses its charm. What follows is one tired cliche after another, none of which bring anything new to the party. The three lead characters are supposed to be teenagers, yet that plot point is flushed down the toilet by the actors who play them. Not once do you believe that Claire Danes (Julie), Giovanni Ribisi (Pete) and Omar Epps (Linc) are teenagers. Okay, I can get over that. What I can’t get over is that these three act as if they’re still in the 1960s. For instance, Linc is still wrestling with “the man,” and has one fellow officer call him “boy” during a confrontation. Please! The plot even reeks. Instead of going to prison, three teens agree to become undercover officers for the police.

As their mentor says, “They can get into a thousand more places than we can.” Their latest assignment is a nightclub that is a front for a teenager prostitute ring. Oh please! As Julie becomes personally involved in the case, both Pete and Linc follow up several leads. When their mentor is killed, the trio are forced to work outside the system in order to bring down the crooked cops behind his death. All of this is delivered without any style or substance. Acting is mediocre at best.

Danes looks tired, while Ribisi delivers a performance that makes one suspect that he wasn’t acting in “The Other Sister.” Epps fares best, but that isn’t saying much. Silver is such an off choice to direct such an offering. His “Johns” was an impressive debut, but in no way indicated he could tackle something like “The Mod Squad.” While the characters in “Johns” were believable, not one performance in “The Mod Squad” rings true. If you don’t care about the characters, which are extremely annoying, then you can’t care about their fates. I can’t understand how something this insignificant got past the radar at the studio.

All films go through numerous rewrites, but if what is on the screen was the final effort, I would like to see what got green lighted in the first place. I doubt “The Mod Squad” will affect the careers of anyone involved because not many people saw it. Let’s keep it that way.

COMPLETE CHECK-UP

VISION: [ ] 20/20 [ ] Good [ X ] Cataracts [ ] Blind

Just dreadful, and unfortunately, the problem isn’t with the digital transfer. The flat, dull look was obviously an artistic choice by director Scott Silver and director of cinematography Ellen Kuras, and even though the digital transfer respects the original source material, the final product is just plain uninteresting to look at. The color scheme is almost non-existent. Flesh tones are so washed out that it’s hard to tell who is dead and who isn’t. There are one or two scenes that actually show some clarity, but everything else looks flat. Depth of field is totally a non-issue, and attention to detail is lacking. Delivered in the film’s original 1.85:1 widescreen ratio (there is also a full-frame version on the other side), and enhanced at 16:9 for widescreen televisions, the picture also suffers from obvious flecks.

HEARING: [ X ] Excellent [ ] Minor Hearing Loss [ ] Needs Hearing Aid [ ] Deaf

The best part of the DVD is the exciting 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround soundtrack (also available in French 5.1). Too bad the rest of the film couldn’t be this aggressive and impressive. Stereo surround effects are vivid, with bullets bouncing all over the room. Basses roar to life when needed, while high ends are clean and clear. Ambient noise is natural, while the dialogue mix is first rate. Rear speakers get a lot of attention from the musical soundtrack and some effective surround effects. No noticeable noise or hiss.

ORAL: [ ] Excellent [ X ] Good [ ] Poor

Closed captions in English for the hard of hearing, subtitles in French.

COORDINATION: [ ] Excellent [ ] Good [ X ] Clumsy [ ] Weak

Pedestrian main and scene access menus, plus the film’s original theatrical trailer.

PROGNOSIS: [ ] Excellent [ ] Fit [ X ] Will Live [ ] Resuscitate [ ] Terminal

Forget the “Mod Squad.” Where’s the “Bomb Squad” when you need them?

VITALS: $24.98/Rated R/94 Minutes/Color/44 Chapter Stops/Keepcase/#907450

ATTENDING RESIDENT: John Larsen
PATIENT: THE MOD SQUAD

BIRTH DATE: 1999

HMO: MGM Home Entertainment


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