Archive for July, 2003

Wallace and Gromit

As the residents of the small British village sleep, they rest comfortably knowing their prized vegetables will be safe until the annual Giant Vegetable Competition. The villagers trust Anti-Pesto, the humane pest removal service offered by congenial inventor Wallace (voice of Peter Sallis) and his silent, trusty dog friend Gromit. Read the rest of this entry »

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

There are seven levels of movie hell, seven being the worst. Level one is home to grand failures, big movies that delivered very little. Level seven is home to movies starring pop divas and American Idol finalist, like Mariah Carey’s “Glitter” and “From Justin to Kelly.” Read the rest of this entry »


Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, lying one-thousand feet at the bottom of the surface, lies an alien spacecraft. Covered in centuries of coral, the half-mile long ship has laid quiet, undisturbed. All that changes in director Barry Levinson’s big-screen pass on yet another of Michael Crichton’s page-turners. Read the rest of this entry »

Smiling Fish

Sweet-natured and unassuming, “Smiling Fish & Goat on Fire” is ultimately self-serving. What begins as an engaging story about two brothers on the cusp of life changing decisions ends up being nothing more than another low-budget calling card to the movie industry. Read the rest of this entry »

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

I was thinking about undergoing a frontal lobotomy this weekend. Instead, I went to a matinee showing of “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.” Same thing. Not only did I save a butt-load of money, the operation only took an hour-and-a-half and didn’t leave a visible scar. Anyone thinking about undergoing a similar experience this weekend might want to take along their own anesthesiologist, because even though the film will leave you feeling numb, it won’t stop the lingering pain. Read the rest of this entry »


Occasionally the marriage between actor and role can make an okay film good, and a good film great. This cinematic symbiosis is on display in “Willard,” the creepy remake of the 1971 horror thriller about a human doormat and his relationship with a rodent. Originally played by Bruce Davison, who makes a blink-or-you’ll-miss-him cameo in the remake, “Willard” was a character you could root for, a misunderstood young man who finds companionship with a horde of rats. Read the rest of this entry »

The Rage: Carrie 2

Geez, talk about a slow burn. It’s been 23 years since Carrie White torched her prom and made life a living nightmare for classmate Sue Snell. 23 long years. A lot can happen in 23 years, but not if you’re trapped in movie hell. Read the rest of this entry »

The Opposite of Sex

Every year I make a compilation of my favorite dialogue from that year’s films. Writer-director Don Roos’ audacious comedy “The Opposite of Sex” would fill the list and then some. It’s a film filled with some of the most biting and wittiest dialogue I have heard in some time. Read the rest of this entry »


A cautionary tale for men who can’t keep it in their pants, Derailed feels like yesterday’s news. Despite strong performances and a current of urgency, this contemporary thriller derails even before it leaves the station. Anyone who sat through Unfaithful Attraction or a decade worth of Law and Order will beat the plot to the punch. Read the rest of this entry »

Little Children

Tales of family disintegration have been around since man first threw Mammoth blood on a cave wall. This devolution has been the basis of great literature, inspiring everyone from Shakespeare to Sontag. Dysfunctional families serve as reminders how fragile and vulnerable love and relationships can be, and their presence in movies allow us to look into the window without fear. Read the rest of this entry »