Porky’s

There’s one scene in writer-director Bob Clark’s “Porky’s” that left me and my friends on the floor of the theater. It comes towards the end of the film when female gym teacher Beulah Balbricker tries to convince the principal of the school that the only way she’s going to catch a male student who performed an indecent act is to have a line-up of their tally-whackers.


porkys
Nancy Parsons, who plays Balbricker, has to keep a straight face as she carries on about the importance of the matter while the principal (played by Eric Christmas) and two gym coaches (Doug McGrath and Bill Hindman) try to keep a straight face. Every time Balbricker uses a certain euphemism for the male member, the trio fall apart. It must have been a difficult scene to shoot for Parsons, because I too was on the floor laughing in hysterics. That scene is just one of the many raunchy pleasures of “Porky’s,” a sophomoric teen sex romp that was successful enough to spawn two sequels (the second was pretty funny, the third not).

Bob Clark, who would later score a perennial favorite with “A Christmas Story,” was wise to set his coming-of-age sex farce in the 950’s. It was a simpler time, so the outrageous antics of the boys and girls of Angel Beach High School in Florida seem even more outrageous. Their main goal in life is to get some, especially sawed-off horn dog Pee Wee (Dan Monahan). Most of the character’s in “Porky’s” have names like Pee Wee, including Meat, Honeywell, Balbricker, Cherry Forever, Coach Goodenough. It’s that kind of movie. You can’t take any of this too seriously.

Clark spends most of the movie trying to get his young stars either laid or out of their clothes, or both. “Porky’s” is an equal opportunity exploiter. When the guy’s aren’t sneaking a peek into the girl’s shower room or hanging out at their favorite beach restaurant, they’re trying to sneak into “Porky’s,” a dubious establishment hidden deep in the everglades. “Porky’s” is known for it’s fast times and fast women, the perfect combination for someone of legal age. So when the boys use fake ID’s to gain access, they wind up in the drink, and I’m not talking about cocktails. Desperate to get even with Porky (Chuck Mitchell), the guys brew up a scheme to permanently put the porker out of business.

Now if they can just keep sex off their minds long enough to pull it off, they’ll be heroes. “Porky’s” never strives to be anything more than it is, a teenage sex comedy. Clark pulls out all of the stops, and pushes the envelope until he rips it to shreds. Clark tries to ground the hi-jinks with some not-to-subtle messages about tolerance, but they’re just camouflage. Instead, come for the low-brow humor that never lets up.

COMPLETE CHECK-UP

VISION: [ ] 20/20 [ X ] Good [ ] Cataracts [ ] Blind

Nice, clean digital transfer is virtually free of any compression artifacts and no pixelation. The 1.85:1 widescreen transfer is sharp and vivid, with good color saturation and impressive, solid blacks. Flattering flesh tones come in handy during the film’s many nude scenes. Nice detail for a low-budget film, especially during the night scenes.

HEARING: [ ] Excellent [ X ] Minor Hearing Loss [ ] Needs Hearing Aid [ ] Deaf

“Porky’s” squeals in three different Dolby Digital mono tracks: English, French and Spanish. Since most of the jokes are broader than Linda Tripp’s butt, pick a track and enjoy the laughs. Seriously, the mono track suffices just fine. The dialogue mix is front and center, while the song-filled soundtrack sounds decent.

ORAL: [ ] Excellent [ X ] Good [ ] Poor

Closed Captions in English for the hard of hearing.

COORDINATION: [ ] Excellent [ X ] Good [ ] Clumsy [ ] Weak

Each DVD comes complete with a scratch and sniff card and….okay, you caught me. You’ll have to settle for the original theatrical trailer, and the customary main and screen access menus. Did I forget to mention the 3-D glasses for the shower scene? Yeah, right.

PROGNOSIS: [ ] Excellent [ X ] Fit [ ] Will Live [ ] Resuscitate [ ] Terminal

For gut busting, low brow laughs, nothing beats “Porky’s.”

VITALS: $29.99/Rated R/99 Minutes/Color/20 Chapter Stops/Keepcase/#4109069

John Larsen ATTENDING RESIDENT

ATTENDING RESIDENT: John Larsen
PATIENT: PORKY’S

BIRTH DATE: 1982

HMO: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment



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