Knock Off
What do the following things have in common:
» A chainsaw enema…
» Flossing with barbed wire…
» Skinny dipping in lava…
» Sky dive using Ernest Borgnine as a parachute…
» Sit through a live performance of Joan of Arc starring Pia Zadora…
They’re all things I would rather do than have to sit through “Knock Off” more than once. Some I might even consider if I didn’t have to sit through it once.
Just how bad is “Knock Off”? So bad that the studio didn’t screen it for the press. Not that any of them would have gone or given the film high praise, but lack of press screenings usually means that a film stinks. Just how bad is left up to those adventurous souls who pack movie theaters on opening day.
Since this is my job, I was one of those unlucky souls. Van Damme hasn’t been in a decent film since “Time Cop.” His last three films were tough to sit through, especially “Double Team.” His co-star in that film was Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman, now there’s a fine actor. Stunt casting is a sure sign that your career is in trouble.
To make matters worse, “Knock Off” is directed by the same guy who did “Double Team.” Tsui Hark, who is supposed to be one of Hong Kong’s premiere action directors, directs like a pale imitation of John Woo. You know the style: fast cutting, people rolling, soaring or dodging bullets while shooting back with a gun in each hand. You’ve seen it every one of Woo’s films (“Face/Off” immediately comes to mind).
Poor Hark. Left without a decent script (it’s hard to believe that Steve E. de Souza wrote this), Hark doesn’t have much to work with. The cast seems lost and struggle to work through the cliches.
The setting is ripe for adventure and intrigue. Hong Kong, 1997. The British are getting ready to hand over Hong Kong to the Chinese. There’s excitement in the air, especially for V SIX Jeans sales representative Marcus Ray (Van Damme). Life is good for Ray and his partner Tommy Hendricks (Rob Schneider), who live the high life.
All that changes when Ray learns that the Russian Mafia (at least they’re not Islamic terrorists) is planning to send out lethal micro bombs in bootleg jeans. Nothing comes between me and my Calvins except an absurd terrorist plot.
Enter Karen Leigh (Lela Rochon), executive vice president of international sales for the jean company who suspects that Ray and Hendricks are behind the bootleg jeans. Since this is an action thriller, nothing is what it really seems. Leigh is actually an undercover CIA agent, and so is Hendricks. Oh boy, can I be an undercover CIA agent too?
It’s up to Ray, Hendricks and Leigh to save the day, but who can they trust? Paul Sorvino plays the CIA section chief who may not be the trio’s best bet. Instead, they must rely on their wits (we’re all doomed) and Van Damme’s trademark kick boxing skills. Van Damme stills packs a punch during the fight scenes, which are occasionally exciting if not overly familiar.
The casting suggests that the film makers were trying to cover all of their bases. Let’s see, we’ll use a Belgian action star, a popular American comedian, an African-American leading lady, a Hong Kong director. In a better film this would be considered a melting pot. Here, it’s goulash.
With “Universal Soldier” and “Time Cop,” Van Damme proved that he can have his cake and eat it too. He’s not a great actor, but he has a place in movies. He just needs to make sure he’s in the right movie.
Schneider gets all of de Souza’s one-liners, but for some reason, they don’t have the same impact they used to. His catch lines in “Die Hard” were classic. The catch lines in “Knock Off” are, well, knock offs.
Rochon is the best of the lot, but then, she usually is. At least she plays Leigh with some conviction.
Shot on location, “Knock Off” looks terrific. Director of photography Arthur Wong gives Hark what he wants, a dizzying display that benefits from Mak Chi Sin’s razor sharp editing.
You have to be pretty audacious to name a Jean-Claude Van Damme film “Knock Off.” It’s sad that the film has the holiday weekend box office all to itself. Unless “There’s Something About Mary” or “Saving Private Ryan” rally, “Knock Off” just might be the number one film at the box office.
The film makers will claim that as a victory. Even a man with no arms or legs can win a game of volleyball if he has no competition.
KNOCK OFF: THE TITLE SAYS IT ALL
KNOCK OFF
Jean-Claude Van Damme, Rob Schneider, Lela Rochon, Paul Sorvino, Michael Fitzgerald Wong, Carmen Lee in a film directed by Tsui Hark. Rated R. 90 Min.
LARSEN RATING: $1
